I asked my Twitter followers to give me some feedback on how using toys has affected their sex life, for either solo play or for use with partners. Do people like toy play or not toy play? A male commented that he likes to integrate them into his sex life, and that he likes the feeling of being in control when he uses toys on a female partner. The use of anal plugs reportedly gives him the best orgasm ever, making his whole body shake.
Toys have been helpful to some people following either a period of trauma, or just not being in touch with their own anatomy and erogenous zones. One female revealed that she was sexually abused as a child by her brother’s friend, and her partner had known about this past trauma and always been supportive. In later years however, this woman suffered what she referred to as a ‘sexual breakdown’ and could not bear to be intimate with her partner, though he never judged her or got frustrated with her.
It seems, by the time this woman got to the point where she was ready to face being in a sexual relationship with her partner, he no longer felt the same. She turned to Lovehoney to find toys that would fulfil her needs and help her discover herself. She enjoys using her toys, though she feels frustrated at not knowing how to make herself achieve orgasm without using toys, but was thrilled to discover that she could achieve ‘blended’ orgasms whilst using the Happy Rabbit 2 USB Rechargeable Rabbit Vibrator.
Another woman went through a 20 year marriage, without ever experiencing an orgasm with her husband during sex. She says that for her, sex was a chore. Instead of helping her find ways to experiment, her husband placed the blame on her! He thought that she must ‘be frigid’ not to be able to orgasm from sexual intercourse. On top of this insult, the woman had also been sexually abused when young, so already had a negative relationship with sex. Since she has separated, she has experienced an ‘amazing night’ with a younger lover. Now she uses toys on a daily basis, as they help her feel hornier and sexier. From starting with a bullet vibrator for clitoral stimulation, she has since tried g-spot vibrators, and has experienced vaginal orgasms; something she never would have dreamt of in the past.
In terms of couples using toys, there are a few viewpoints; one male feels like toys can put too much pressure on him to ‘perform.’ He feels guilty for being unable to satisfy his partner. Another couple, meanwhile, love using their toys either alone or together, and also for teasing each other. Toys can also be used to reignite a relationship that has lost its spark.
This will only work though if both partners are willing to experiment with the toys. In my experience, sadly this has not been the case. I have tried introducing some toys to ‘luke-warm’ at best, ‘stone-cold’ at worse, responses. I have felt frustrated by this, as I feel that our love life has got somewhat formulaic over the years. But I know that my other-half being how he is, somewhat set in his ways, will not change his outlook. My toys will remain mine for solo pleasure, and I do not feel one bit guilty for that. I choose toy play rather than not toy play!
Update October 2017
This article was written to gather the thoughts I had obtained from some of my Twitter followers. It is not intended purely for hetero couples. It just so happens that the people I had interacted with followed this lifestyle. Toys can be enjoyed by same-sex couples as well, in addition to transgender and non-cis identifiable individuals. The post was not intended to exclude anyone based on their sexual identity or orientation.
As for my own experiences, Mr Bunny seems to be participating in our play-time experimentation with toys, though he primarily uses toys on me rather than vice versa. It is definitely an improvement!