“To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.”Federico García Lorca
I’ve been quiet on here for some weeks now. My motivation to write crashed through the floor. The main desires I seem to have at present are to comfort eat my way through my ‘ennui’ and binge-watch Netflix shows. I watched all 6 seasons of How to Get Away With Murder. Then I started watching Stranger Things. I have one episode left of Season 3. So soon I’ll be on the look-out for another show to watch relentlessly, until I am fully gorged on it.
I’ve been wondering if all this ‘binging’ on junk food and TV is because I’m feeling deprived in my relationship somehow. That is my self-psychoanalysis at least, but it would make sense. The lack of physical intimacy is a double-edged sword; I desire less and because I am not feeding that part of myself I have less desire.
Don’t get me wrong, I still play on my own with my toys. And it feels good. I just think that Mr Bunny and I have lost some of our emotional connection. And along with it, our desire for the physical side of our relationship. The lockdowns of the past year definitely have not helped. If anything they’ve hindered us as we’ve not been able to get away from the routine of home/work life.
Since I stopped my care work in February, I’ve felt kind of lost. I recently started applying for ‘entry-level’ positions in the field of life sciences, which is where I started out my career. It’s still early days though, so I’m thinking it might be mid-summer to early autumn before I find something. In the meantime, I’m focussing on making sure my daughter has as normal a time as possible now that we’re emerging from Lockdown #3.
It will be the school half-term holiday in just over a week, and I’m thinking of things to keep my little lady happy while we are home together. Perhaps some baking (to feed the part of me that is comfort eating), adventure golf and a couple of play dates. We have booked a trip to a theme park of sorts. We’re looking forward to that.
I’m hoping that as life as we used to know it slowly resumes once more, my desire will gradually flow back. We have a trip to Cornwall planned for the summer, so at least we have that to look forward to. In the meantime, I’d love to hear whether any of my readers are experiencing a change in their desire. Please do comment, and check out what others have written for this meme by clicking the badge below 🙂