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Dom or Domme – you have a duty of care!

Safe Sane and Consensual

I recently had  a conversation with someone who would like to be a submissive for a Dominant partner. In our conversation, they mentioned three scenarios that they would enjoy to partake in.

  1. Being lead through woods whilst on a collar and lead, walking as a ‘pet.’ If they lag, they wish to be dragged along. They desire to lick the mud from their Dominant partner’s shoes.
  2. Taken into a darkened Dungeon setting. Chained to a post, and whipped, then have electro-clamps applied to their nipples. More disciplining, as the power is increased in the clamps, until they are bought to their knees.
  3. Meet in a hotel, be treated as a slave, then a fuck-toy. Fucked in the ass then peed on, and left naked on the floor to be found by people working in the hotel.

I was disturbed to read these desires I must say. Concerned that the person was not thinking of their own safety and welfare. Too caught up in the fantasy, to be objective and say, ‘actually some of this is abuse / torture.’ Essentially, that is what I told them. I said if I were to be a Domme for someone (a fantasy of mine) I would never entertain aspects of these ideas.

Reason 1; licking dirt from someone’s shoes is unhygienic. They could go blind, or get tetanus!  Reason 2; electro-play can be extremely dangerous if practised incorrectly. Under no circumstances should you apply electricity above the recipient’s waist! I’m certain no Dom or Domme wishes to induce a cardiac arrest mid-play. Reason 3; Leaving someone naked and tied up on the floor, with urine over them sounds like abuse. Even if it were consensual, it could be misconstrued as abuse by whomever finds the submissive.

Domination requires trust and a duty of care

If you are looking to find a Dominant partner to play with, you’d better check that they are who they say they are. Do they accept your limits? Give you the chance to refuse to take part in something that makes you uncomfortable? Give you time after a play session to discuss any issues / reservations you have? If the answer to any or all of these questions is no, then do not entertain seeing them. Ever. They will not care for your needs. They may well bully or coerce you to go farther than you wish to, to satisfy their twisted needs. That isn’t being a caring partner. You deserve so much more.

If, on the other hand, you find someone you feel you can trust; great. You can mutually agree a time and place to meet. Acquaint over a coffee. Talk about your interests and desires. Express any concerns you have. Be sure they listen to you and hear you (there is a difference; listening means they can absorb what you are saying. Hearing means they comprehend it). If you are happy, and accept your play will be SSC, then by all means arrange a date and place to play. Make sure it will be legal. A car parked in a lay-by might sound exciting. But neither of you will be pleased to see anyone in black-and-white uniforms.

Share the pleasure

Lastly, when you do play together, have fun. Laugh about anything that doesn’t quite work out. Consider trying something different if you so desire. If, at the end of the session, you decide it was good, but it will be a one-time only event, thank each other for the experience. Move on. Embrace the opportunity to find another suitable play partner. And play on.


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