I’m writing this piece to get all my jumbled thoughts out of my head. I’ve posted considerably less in the past couple of weeks. The reason for that is my mood dipped about two weeks ago. I noticed it creeping up. The tiredness, emotional outbursts, feeling hopeless and guilty. Up until two weeks ago, I felt I could handle the lockdown situation.
What has changed? I’m seeing more people out-and-about seeming like nothing has happened. I (like many other responsible people) have socially- distanced when out food shopping and exercising. The rest of the time, I’ve stayed home as much as possible to protect people I care about, as well as strangers, knowing that I’m missing my own family and friends. As other countless people are missing theirs too.
Being at home with my youngster who doesn’t fully understand why they can’t see their friends and go visit their grandparents is causing issues. There are clashes on almost any little thing. I choose to pick my ‘battles’ being the adult. I do, however, feel like whatever rules I try and maintain, there are ways my little one tries to gain the upper hand.
I’ve explained why we need the rules, to keep things fair for everyone, maintain discipline and a civil household. That if she goes to bed too late she will be tired and cranky the next day. I’m also finding this about myself, after a few later nights. Though I had already known this.
Up until the past couple of weeks, I wanted to do more of the Zoom exercise classes I was taking part in. Over the past two weeks, that has dropped to one per week. The motivation has crashed to exercise, write, make plans and so on. Although I’m ticking along, planning some projects to keep busy, I feel like if I don’t get all this stuff out of my head, I will remain low.
This is not sustainable, so I decided I need to make some changes. Firstly, once the bank holiday is over, I intend to exercise more. I know that boosts my mood. Getting out into nature also helps, so walks in the woods or fields near where I live will provide a welcome break from the 4 walls at home.
It seems surreal that I haven’t been to work in 10 weeks, and though I was happy to have a few weeks off at first, it seems to be scary how quickly you can fall out of a routine. That’s why I think my motivation has dropped so quickly. After 6-7 weeks of trying to maintain some sort of normality, whilst the lockdown keeps being extended, it seems like we are going to be waiting many months before we reach some level of ‘everyday life.’
My childish,f impatient side craves instant results. This is simply not going to happen. The changes that will come into effect, will be with us for a long time. Not only that, but I’m trying to accept that no matter what I do, or don’t do, to try and keep safe the ones I love/care about, there will be many more people, whose selfish actions I cannot do anything to remedy.
Most of us are still coming to terms with our new reality, and I can’t lose faith in the goodness I see in the majority of people. Neighbours looking out for others, strangers picking up shopping and prescriptions for those that need to shield or isolate.
Communities have shown that they do care about the people who live within them. Lovely gestures such as leaving teddy bears and rainbows in windows, putting storybook characters in the woods for children to look out for- they’re all simple acts of kindness that go a long way to mend the division our country has suffered for too long.
Social media can be a source of negativity during times like these, with lots of opinions being bandied about, and blame cast upon different groups. That doesn’t help any of us though, and pulls us all down. I’m encouraged to see a lot of positive posts about nature, and acts of kindness from people, among others, to reinforce that we are the makers of our own destiny.
We can’t expect everything to be rosy for the foreseeable future, but we can make it less dark and murky. We just need to cast some light where there are shadows. Where hope exists, there is a chance to grow and recover. If we lose that, we lose everything. I hope next year will be brighter for so many of us. Our children’s future depends on it.
Thank you for reading. 🙂 If you want to share how you’ve been feeling during lockdown, please comment below. I do like to hear what you all think. For more of my thoughts and perspectives, please click here.